He's moody, but he's so good at it

If, like me, you've had too much time to dig about on Dima Koldun's website, you'll find a treasure trove of photographs of Dima showing his two favourite things - his fine dentist work and his moody camera poses. There are shots of Dima moody with shirt on, moody with shirt undone, moody with shirt off, moody with hands in pockets, moody with furry hobbit costume, moody with Communist flag... well, he does do it rather well. Use this wallpaper to brighten up your desktop with four of his all-time moodiest poses. Left-click on picture, wait until it appears, right-click, set picture as destop background...

And finally, 12 points go to... The Shire!

After a heavy night's drinking, I've been sitting in front of my PC trying to lose my hangover. While surfing around the net, I found the official website of the Belarussian entrant, Dima Koldun. The website's quite good actually and worth a visit so click here But while I was clicking through the site, something struck me. Amidst all our various scandals and intrigues about Scooch, Belarus have managed to pull off a quiet coup of their own... they have enlisted none other than Frodo Baggins to sing for them! The evidence presented above is fairly compelling. I shouldn't be surprised if Gandalf doesn't show up to conduct the orchestra in Helsinki either.

Scooch wallpaper - you lucky people!

I've been too busy to post on the blog for a couple of days, as I've been filling in application forms for a new job recently. But I'm back now and here's a treat... I've made an all-new Scooch wallpaper, as the last one resulted in a huge level of web traffic to my blog and helped me to reach my 222nd visitor in just 2 weeks! The original images of Scooch used to make the wallpaper are ones which I found on schlagerblog so if you like them, try checking out the schlagerboys website.

I doubt that I'll be posting anything tomorrow, as I plan to be recovering from a hangover induced by a night's cheesy clubbing in Croydon tonight. If you are in Croydon, look out for me. I'll be the one gorging myself on greasy junk food in the street as I always get a taste for it when drunk.

To get the wallpaper, just left-click on the image here, then when it loads, right-click and set as desktop background.

If you are a Scooch fan (and if you're not, the exit from my fabulous site is located in the top right corner) then you might want to check out their new website, scoochonline.

Somebody pass me the garlic

Be afraid. Be VERY afraid. Because believe it or not, this is the current bookies' favourite to walk off with the Eurovision title on May 12th. Switzerland's DJ Bobo, a perennial favourite of the German record-buying public, with his inoffensive brand of half-spoken, half-singing, throwaway, euro-meaninglessness.

When asked to pick the worst lyrics in the song, you really would be spoilt for choice. Well, seeing an ageing DJ Bobo desperately trying to kick it with the kids in a dance routine while singing the line "we will be forever young" is too ridiculous for words. And then there is his opening line, "vampires get a life!" at which point I'm thinking two words - pot and kettle.

It is no surprise then that the best parts of the song are all the parts where DJ Bobo is not singing.

Maybe in Switzerland the goth population are a more happy-go-lucky sort who enjoy performing synchronised dance routines in the street with an old leather-clad has-been, but in South London, no self-respecting goth would be seen dead (no pun intended) dancing to this kind of tripe. And you certainly wouldn't tell the goths in our local park to "get a life". Not unless you wanted to get a serious kicking while being filmed on one of their mobile phones.

I also firmly believe that whoever cast the two second scene in the video at 02'45, where DJ Bobo comes face to face with a horse (or is that a reflection?) ought to be immediately ejected from any career connected with showbusiness in any way, shape or form.

He's able and he's willing

One of these two men is representing Belarus in Helsinki... Relax, it's not the long-haired, beardy one with last season's sunglasses, but Dmitry Koldun (the one smothered with Belarussian bling). In fact, his song is not half bad and could well walk off with the title on May 12th.

If you've never heard of him then you're not alone. But apparently he won a Belarussian Pop Idol-style show in 2004. Not content with this, he went East and won the sixth season of the hit Russian show, Star Factory. Now he's reached the heady heights of becoming Belarussian entrant to Eurovision. But before you sneer at his chances, take a look at the video. It's a rock-pop number, in which Dmitry takes every possible opportunity to dazzle us with those perfectly whiter-than-white teeth of his. If nothing else, he obviously has a good dentist. And if you're not too taken with the song, you also get to watch the Belarussian answer to Paul Daniels and Debbie Magee in the clip, which makes for a creepy experience. It is cold in Belarus, so you'll notice that most of the extras in the video are shivering uncontrollably... unless that's an overenthusiastic attempt at shoulder-shimmying. The stand-out lyric in the song must be the line "when you cast your loving potion all over me"... and they say the Scooch entry is too smutty!

Come May, I think you'd have to be brave to bet against this winning the title. And whatever else happens, Dmitry is almost certain to receive 12 points from Russia.

A trip down Eurovision memory lane

In a rather slow day for trashy pop news, I've decided to take you on a wander down memory lane... back to the Eurovisions of days long past. Back in those days, of course, it took a little more than a set of cheap halloween monster masks to win the contest. Take Liora for example (1995, Israel). You'd have thought she had it all... big hair (even the blokes), matching costumes, carefully choreographed semi-swaying dance routine, gradually cranking it up to an all-arms-in-the-air finale. It all added up to douze points from the UK, but that wasn't enough to stop a dreary high-pitched song with a cheap instrumental breakdown played on the fiddle from Norway walking off with the title. You just can't predict Eurovision (although that's exactly what I'll be doing in the run up to May 12th)

Watch closely at 2'08 and you might even see a great shot of her fillings as she hits the high notes. They just don't make Eurovision entries like they used to.

Get your Scooch wallpaper here!

By way of a treat for my readers, I'm offering an exclusive Scooch Flying the flag desktop wallpaper here. If you like the look of it and want it on your desktop, then LEFT CLICK on the picture left and when the image loads, right click on it, set as background. For you IT geeks, the resolution is 1280 x 1024 but if your settings are stretch to fit then it'll look fabulous on all desktops.

A comment to say thank you might be nice!

It's all Swedish to me, my good man!

Having posted the video of Varsta Schlagern the other day, I decided to do a bit of leg-work and find out what the lyrics actually mean. The song is, of course, a p*ss-take of many Swedish schlager pop songs and I tracked down a translation of sorts on the schlagerlout blog. So here's the chorus, courtesy of that blog.

And it’s love, it’s the wind blowing
It’s eyes and they’re sparkling
And lots of other tired old clichés
Which say everything and nothing
And it’s stars and they’re shining
It’s the world and it’s disappearing
And the title should be punchy like a slap in the face

Oh and allegedly the bit where the keychange comes is marked by the words "And here comes the key change finallyyyy, finallyyyy... yyyyyy"

I've decided to put a link to schlagerlout's blog, if only out of gratitude for clearing this matter up.

Late rant about Justin Hawkins

A week on from the MYMU saga, I decided that there should be one more entry on my blog about it. It's about that comment from Justin Hawkins following the announcement of the result. IYou know what comment I mean... the one about the British public being either "stupid or racist" not to have voted for Hawkins & Brown or Big Brovaz. If you don't know the story, best check it out here - at entertainmentwise.

In my opinion, it is frankly insulting to label the UK public of being racist in order to justify losing on a prime-time light-entertainment show. I supported the Hawkins & Brown entry... until the live performance, which Hawkins squeaked through like a sheep inhaling helium. My immediate words after the performance were "Brown sang very well, but Hawkins performance wasn't up to it". Hawkins is kidding himself if he thinks the public's decision was based on anything else other than his own substandard performance.

In fact, the only person who has sought to explain the public's voting verdict in terms of race is Hawkins himself. If the report on entertainmentwise is accurate, then he has labelled the whole UK nation "stupid or racist".

I for one now welcome the fact that on the back of his shoddy performance, we may well have seen the last of him in the public eye. Long may it last.

Why haven't you sent her to Eurovision yet, Sweden?

If you've watched the Melodifestivalen then you'll already know who Linda Bengtzing is. If not, you need to visit this blog more often as part of your rehabilitation back into society.

Your first step towards the light should be to check out the video from her recent hit Värsta Schlagern. It's got a cheesy dance routine, a wind machine to rival even Carola's herself, hell - they appear to be wearing anoraks in the video and they still manage to carry it off! Which begs the question, in several years of trying, why hasn't Sweden sent her to Eurovision yet?

A call for solidarity on fashion faux pas

I felt duty bound to make a second urgent posting on the blog today. The time has come to say enough is enough. I am frankly shocked by the complete disregard for general fashion principles which are being flouted on the streets around the capital of late.

To testify to my case, I present two textbook cases of fashion faux-pas, both snapped on my phone while out and about in Central London. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I give you Exhibit A - the tangerine dream. Lord God and all heavens above can only wonder at the thought processes which lie behind such a fashion faux pas. What earthly compulsion could make a middle-aged woman select such a motley array of assorted orange garments and try to combine them into one single outfit? And to select such a skin-tight orange top which flaunts every overhanging inch of excess. It may be merely of small consolation, readers, but the camera angle is actually quite flattering to her, for you cannot pick up on her bushy ginger head of hair which was so angrily clashing with her Tangoed costume. Believe it or not, it's hard to get a good picture when you're breathlessly in pursuit of a target down Oxford Circus tube platform. A steady hand is always the mark of an accomplished fashion faux pas hunter.

And as if this isn't already compelling evidence enough of crimes against fashion going unchecked on London's streets, I give you Exhibit B - the fur-hatted flibbertigibbert of South-West London. As you may see, I have taken precautionary steps to protect the identity of this fashion faux pas. I am certain that in her position, I would never want to be recognised by anybody I knew wearing such disgusting attire. But as yet, I haven't managed to think of a scenario or event for which a leopard-spotted, wide-brimmed, floppy fur hat is suitable. Again, the question we must ask is why? What drives such members of the public to commit such heinous crimes against fashion?

If you feel strongly that these fashion errors are unacceptable, I urge you to post a comment on this page. And at this point, I must also request your assistance, readers. Keep your fingers on your camera phones at all times and be prepared to snap your own fashion faux pas at any time they may strike. Should you manage to gather any photographic evidence, please email me it at londonboy79blog@yahoo.co.uk. I would be only too pleased to feature it here for us all to roundly condemn.

Tittle-tattle lost the battle

A third controversy gripped MYMU winners Scooch today, and I couldn't help but feel partially responsible. I was intrigued to read on the front page of a fellow London commuter's Daily Mirror (I rarely buy my own when, due to the crowded nature of the capital's trains, you can hardly avoid having the tabloid rags pushed into your face) the headline "The Eurovision Song CON-test" trumpeting another supposed scandal surrounding the act selected to represent the UK in Helsinki.

On closer inspection, the thrust of the story was that Scooch were using two 'off-stage' backing singers to sing part of their winning entry to MYMU, 'Flying the Flag For You'. According to the Mirror, Justin Hawkins stomped off in a rage and all the other acts were b*tching about Scooch "cheating" to win. It was at this point that I remembered my blog entry from yesterday, speculating about the likelihood of Richard Madeley and Judy Finnegan appearing as backing vocalists for Scooch. Had I inadvertently stirred up some kind of scandal?

Of course not, Richard and Judy have better things to do on a Saturday night than to sing backing vocals on someone else's show. And this tabloid tale smacks of a cheap attempt to stir up a scandal in my opinion, so it hardly warrants blog space. The rules allow two off-stage backing singers, and it was quite clear that Scooch were singing live. I urge all fans to ignore suggestions otherwise. One wonders how exactly Scooch might otherwise have gone about singing three-part female harmonies with only two females on stage?

The fallout begins...

It's been another day of wacky developments in the wake of the Scooch MYMU victory. Firstly, public clamouring has forced Eurovision god Sir Terry of Wogan into apologising for any embarrassment caused due to his gaffe (announcing the wrong winner on MYMU). The man made an error at work, we've all done it* and in any case, I consider any and all criticism of Sir Terry to be no less than blasphemous.

Meanwhile, Scooch made an appearance on Richard & Judy, Britain's favourite tea-time chatshow to discuss the gaffe. More interestingly, Russ (blonde Scooch, the one who looks like he's put on a bit of weight since Scooch's heyday) declared that they were 'looking at ways of making the performance even more camp'. It's hard to imagine how this could be achieved, short of dragging up and carrying pink handbags.

While watching this rather surreal interview on Richard & Judy, I had a sudden fantasy about what Richard & Judy might look like if they were game enough to sing backing vocals for Scooch in Helsinki, and this is what I came up with - frightening, isn't it readers? Surely our European brethren do not deserve to have this inflicted on them? Better to keep Richard & Judy tucked away somewhere like a Trident nuclear submarine - i.e. as a deterrent. "Vote for us or we'll unleash this on you next year..."

*thankfully most of us don't have 10million viewers watching when we make a botch up while on the job.

We can only blame ourselves...

The true brilliance of democracy is that when it all goes wrong, we've only got ourselves to blame. You get what you vote for in this old life, and here in all its fabulous glory is the entry which the discerning UK public selected to send to Helsinki.

A proportion of disgruntled viewers are complaining en masse to Eurovision forums about the result. To this, I say "pull yourselves together!" Scooch won fair and square, that's all there is to it, and at last gay men across the nation have an excuse to dress up in airline uniform in the name of light entertainment.

They're flying the flag (for you)

Well, who'd have thought it? Certainly not Sir Terry of Wogan, who himself seemed in denial of the result and made a rare error, pronouncing the wrong act victorious. Moments later, he backtracked and, after one of the closest contests in a long time, MYMU was won by a group of trolley dollies with more baggage than Heathrow Airport. When it came to voting, the discerning British viewers felt turquoise tuxedos were just the ticket for Helsinki.

I think we all know where this is heading. I forecast severe turbulence in the run up to the voting on May 12th, so best buckle up and adopt a bracing position. This craft is destined to make an emergency landing at the foot of the scoreboard. Regardless of which, I shall be cheering it on. Because with the sleazy lyrics and emergency procedures dance routine, the UK will be having the last laugh this year.

Feel free to copy and paste the Scooch image for your websites & blogs... they are, and I quote, "flying the flag for you".

They don't make 'em like they used to

I say, I say, I say, what do you get if you cross the Pet Shop Boys with Lily Savage?

Tickets, precious tickets!

Tonight BBC1 is screening the live Making Your Mind Up (MYMU) programme in front of a select ticketed audience. At home, televoters will decide on the UK entry to the 2007 Eurovision Song Contest in Helsinki.

Occasionally, I have been known to hoard precious tickets in my wallet... admission passes, train tickets and other reminders of days out long past. I should have liked to have a pair of MYMU tickets to add to my collection and with this in mind, I applied for free tickets on-line and prayed quietly to Sir Terry, God of Eurovision that I would be allocated some.

As you can already tell from my sarcasm, my prayers fell on dead ears. And alas, I sense foul play at work, as nobody on the MYMU web forum received tickets either. Not to be thwarted so easily, I set up a thread on the BBC forum encouraging other disappointed fans to complain en masse with me. However, no sooner had my complaints-thread begun to gather momentum than the moderators closed it down. In my opinion, this amounts to censorship of the worst kind.

Tonight I shall be watching on the small screen and hoping for a victory for Hawkins & Brown.

Something Swedish to start with!

At last, my blog is set up and ready to go! I don't mind telling you, it took a hell of a lot of time to make the discoballs in the title look THAT good, but I think you'll agree it was worth it! It was even harder getting rid of the annoying blog header that blogger inflicts on all of us, but eventually I managed it by poking about blind in the HTML code for a while, with sometimes alarming results.

The aim of my blog is simple... to provide a place to showcase my opinions, bitching and the greatest cheesy pop music of our time. And with Eurovision 2007 approaching, I think we'll find there's plenty of opportunity for that! To begin with, let's look admiringly at one of the finalists of the Melodifestivalen 2007 in Sweden. It's Sanne Nielsen... of course, she didn't win, but she did make the final. I could post a good half a dozen songs from the Melodifestivalen here, but for now, you'll have to be content with a bit of Sanne.