What might have been

Even a full week on from Eurovision, my site is still getting hit at a rate of knots by people searching for Dima Koldun, the Belarussian entrant. So I thought I'd put up the last of my photos of him.

Right: There was an air of potential mullet about Dima's haircut in the run-up to the final.

Did anyone notice that he'd had a new haircut for his performance in Helsinki? There was a certain air of the Paul Daniels magic show about his performance and the cheesy dance moves were fabulous.

Right: Poor Koldun looks none too pleased with the Belarussian delegation's attempts to give him a short back and sides.

It appears that not even appearing all over the net in various states of undress was enough to win the competition for poor Dmitry. Mind you, it was enough to take Belarus into its first ever Eurovision final and a respectable sixth position. Helped, of course, by the awarding of 12 points by Russia and Ukraine which, of course, I'm sure is nothing to do with them either bordering Belarus or being close political allies. Unbelievably, the UK gave poor Koldun zip.

Of course, he might have fared a little better than sixth place if only the draw had been a little kinder to him. As it was, Koldun performed firmly towards the start of the show and by the end, most viewers were probably too drunk to remember it. I know I was.

Right: In an attempt to liven up his magician's act performance, Dmitry rehearses backstage on how to pull his rabbit out of the hat.

Dima Koldun back by popular demand!

After a stampede of visitors to the blog following my recent exclusive, I have decided to give the audience more of what they want, namely more Dima Koldun photos. As you can see here, even a routine morning shower can become a photo opportunity when your goal is Eurovision glory.

Left: "Can I have the results of the internet juries?" After using the shower head as a telephone, one can only wonder what he did with the soap.

It's hard to predict who will win in Helsinki and I would be sceptical about trusting the many Eurovision polls online, for the simple reason that they allow voters to award 1-12 points, whereas in reality, people will only vote for their favourite song, not for several. But let's see where Koldun stands in the major Eurovision polls. At present, all signs point towards a top 5 finish. At escnation, Belarus is rated fifth by the voters and fourth by the juries. It's a similar story at soult and at the demandi website, where English-speaking voters have ranked Belarus in fifth position. The highest current rating for Koldun appears to be found in the escstats poll, where voters rank Belarus in third position and juries rank him second to Greece.

Left: After all this number crunching, Dima needs a lie-down.

Moving further afield, will Koldun be able to rely on any neighbourly voting to push his quest for glory onwards? Well, not necessarily, if the escestonia poll is anything to go by, where he is in seventh place. This is up one place from last week though. There doesn't look much hope from Poland either, as eurowizja places him only in eighth position.

So what does all this mean? All signs appear that Koldun will make it through the semi-final into the final. We all know what a good record the successful semi-finalists have in the final itself, so a top five finish is likely. A win is also possible, although this will depend on the performance on the night.

You can help cheer on Koldun in Helsinki by downloading this free, original wallpaper for your desktop. Simply left click on the image, wait til it appears, then right click and set as desktop background. And remember to vote for him on the night!

Bookmark me: More Dima Koldun to come!

It's getting hot in here... gratuitous shots of Dima Koldun

Separated at birth? Not quite, but you'd be forgiven for getting them mixed up. One of these two men is singing for Belarus in Helsinki, and the other one is a has-been from last year's UK Big Brother. Ahh, they know all about Big Brother in Belarus you know, currently named by the USA as one of the last outposts of tyranny. I discovered on the internet today that Belarus has more police officers per head than any other country in Europe.

I tipped Dima Koldun for Eurovision success some weeks ago on this very blog and I'm tempted to vote for him on the night, not just for his catchy rock-pop number, but also to see the look on EBU faces when they realise that next year's contest will be staged in Belarus. As if he wasn't already one of the favourites to win in Helsinki, I have noticed a sudden trend on the web, namely his appearance all over the net in various stages of undress, including a rather suspicious shot of him hosing himself down with a common garden hose. Mind you, with temperatures soaring in the UK this Easter weekend, we could all do with a bit of that. Purely in the name of research, let's take a look at this latest publicity push by the Belarussian contender for the Eurovision crown.

Left: As temperatures soar, Dima loses control of his hose

And finally, 12 points go to... The Shire!

After a heavy night's drinking, I've been sitting in front of my PC trying to lose my hangover. While surfing around the net, I found the official website of the Belarussian entrant, Dima Koldun. The website's quite good actually and worth a visit so click here But while I was clicking through the site, something struck me. Amidst all our various scandals and intrigues about Scooch, Belarus have managed to pull off a quiet coup of their own... they have enlisted none other than Frodo Baggins to sing for them! The evidence presented above is fairly compelling. I shouldn't be surprised if Gandalf doesn't show up to conduct the orchestra in Helsinki either.

He's able and he's willing

One of these two men is representing Belarus in Helsinki... Relax, it's not the long-haired, beardy one with last season's sunglasses, but Dmitry Koldun (the one smothered with Belarussian bling). In fact, his song is not half bad and could well walk off with the title on May 12th.

If you've never heard of him then you're not alone. But apparently he won a Belarussian Pop Idol-style show in 2004. Not content with this, he went East and won the sixth season of the hit Russian show, Star Factory. Now he's reached the heady heights of becoming Belarussian entrant to Eurovision. But before you sneer at his chances, take a look at the video. It's a rock-pop number, in which Dmitry takes every possible opportunity to dazzle us with those perfectly whiter-than-white teeth of his. If nothing else, he obviously has a good dentist. And if you're not too taken with the song, you also get to watch the Belarussian answer to Paul Daniels and Debbie Magee in the clip, which makes for a creepy experience. It is cold in Belarus, so you'll notice that most of the extras in the video are shivering uncontrollably... unless that's an overenthusiastic attempt at shoulder-shimmying. The stand-out lyric in the song must be the line "when you cast your loving potion all over me"... and they say the Scooch entry is too smutty!

Come May, I think you'd have to be brave to bet against this winning the title. And whatever else happens, Dmitry is almost certain to receive 12 points from Russia.