Somebody pass me the garlic

Be afraid. Be VERY afraid. Because believe it or not, this is the current bookies' favourite to walk off with the Eurovision title on May 12th. Switzerland's DJ Bobo, a perennial favourite of the German record-buying public, with his inoffensive brand of half-spoken, half-singing, throwaway, euro-meaninglessness.

When asked to pick the worst lyrics in the song, you really would be spoilt for choice. Well, seeing an ageing DJ Bobo desperately trying to kick it with the kids in a dance routine while singing the line "we will be forever young" is too ridiculous for words. And then there is his opening line, "vampires get a life!" at which point I'm thinking two words - pot and kettle.

It is no surprise then that the best parts of the song are all the parts where DJ Bobo is not singing.

Maybe in Switzerland the goth population are a more happy-go-lucky sort who enjoy performing synchronised dance routines in the street with an old leather-clad has-been, but in South London, no self-respecting goth would be seen dead (no pun intended) dancing to this kind of tripe. And you certainly wouldn't tell the goths in our local park to "get a life". Not unless you wanted to get a serious kicking while being filmed on one of their mobile phones.

I also firmly believe that whoever cast the two second scene in the video at 02'45, where DJ Bobo comes face to face with a horse (or is that a reflection?) ought to be immediately ejected from any career connected with showbusiness in any way, shape or form.