Say no to leopardskin
Blestyashchie - Agent 007: You can tell the Cold War's over when you see a Russian girl group performing their sleazy ode to James Bond. If you thought Scooch's airsteward uniforms looked camp, try these for size. This video reveals the Blestyashchie girls' secret of slimness, as they bang away on exercise bikes. I'm still at a loss to account for the relevance to James Bond.
Blestyashchie - За четыре моря: Speaking no Russian myself, I've had to make a rather impromptu translation of this song. It appears to be a latino-flavoured song about the lot of Russian housewives. They're glamorous, but they're hard-working. Look at them, vacuuming away, ironing their smalls, looking after the dog. Household chores rarely looked this glamorous.
Blestyashchie - Восточные сказки: You might have heard this one before. The Blestyashchie girls rope in Arash for a Russian take on one of his album hits. It sounds like they're singing about facial hair... Moustache-ni, Moustache-ni...
Having taken pop to its sleaziest level as part of the group, Zhanna Friske then left the group behind to make a number of cheesy Europop records. La La La found her in fabulous form, trilling her way through a singalongable ditty. It's europop-by-numbers and all the better for it.
There's a summery feel to Zhanna's hit, Gde to leto. I've never seen someone accessorise so well with the colour of a swimming pool. She's practically camouflaged in her range of turquoise swimwear. I'm not sure about the bit with the flaming torches though. That silky dress of hers looks flammable and it could all so easily have ended in tears.
You can download Zhanna's songs here. Click the links below. Click Mp3 (next to the speaker icon). A new window appears, then click Скачать. A new window will appear. If your download doesn't begin automatically, click ссылку to start it.
La La La
Gde to leto
The subject of my first post is Hello from Mars, the 2003 entry from Latvia. F.L.Y. were a fusion of Latvian talent from a number of different groups, formed especially for the contest. Plenty of promise on paper. And as host nation, the chances of a top ten finish looked convincing. What a tragedy that as the final votes were cast, poor Latvia were found languishing in 24th place with only five points, donated kindly by their Baltic neighbour, Estonia. The song was pretty good though, once you get over the complete lack of continuity in the lyrics and the frequent lapses off-key. In fact, come to think of it, there are three compelling reasons why this should have won.
Firstly, I would challenge anyone to get such fabulous whites using ordinary non-bio powder. Though Westlife may consider themselves to be patron saints of the white tuxedo, in any duel of laundrymanship, the brilliance of F.L.Y's whites would quite probably have blinded them.
Secondly, dancing in a two-man, one-girl trio is actually quite an arduous task - especially if that girl happens to be a rather weighty lesbian in high heels who has managed to steamroller her way between you and your boyfriend on the G-A-Y dance floor. But is there any other group on this planet which manage to pull it off as well as F.L.Y.? Every conceivable combination of cheesy three-way dance move is used to crowd-pleasing effect.
Thirdly, it is no secret that many of life's most pleasurable acts are performed while on the knees, and this is no exception. The fact that one third of F.L.Y. finishes up gasping on the floor only adds to the spectacle. Bravo, man!
Relive the pleasure of the peformance below. And if you like it enough to listen to it in tune, click Hello from Mars for it.
Fab's been a regular runner in the Maltese Eurovision pre-selections no less than seven times since 1998. Twice he's finished in first place, but occasionally he's fallen at the final furlong. His Greatest Hits pack is perfect for playing before you head out for a night on the town. Having done a bit of webtrawling, I've found a taster of what you can expect:
Three cheers for Fab and his camp, shirt-unbuttoned, air-punching dance pop. If you want to buy a physical copy, Amazon Germany is your best hope. In the spirit of celebration, I'm offering this free Fabrizio desktop wallpaper. Click the image on the left, wait until it downloads, then right click and set as desktop background.
Some blog readers have asked for Dima's song Get up, get down, get crazy. Well, having hunted about on the internet for it, I've found it. It's a bit tricky to get, here's what you need to do:
Open Windows Media Player
Select File; Open URL;
Paste this address in: http://www.s2006s.bir.ru/musica/Koldun-Get%20up%20get%20down.mp3 make sure you get it exactly right!
Then click Ok; Wait a bit.
The file will open and start playing.
Then all you need to do is to select File; Save;
I've saved the best for last. Best Friend is like a cheesy pop version of the film Fatal Attraction. The video appears to be based around the theme of a jealous girl who has some kind of a psychotic crush on her best friend. So much so, she appears with her leather clad girls' gang rehearsing karate moves learnt directly from the Karate Kid. Things turn more violent when she gets tooled up with a pair of scissors and cuts her best friend's girlfriend's hair to shreds. She takes out another one with a large incendiary device and two more with a crossbow. No wonder juvenile violence is on the rise.