The truth about my Eurovision

A few readers have emailed me out of concern, asking why, when I covered the run-up to Eurovision 2007 on my site so extensively, why did I not comment at all on the event itself? Well, the truth is about to become clear. I spent Eurovision in a state of severe drunkenness at London's finest venue... hosted by Britain's greatest drag-queen, Eb-on-knee see pic on left!


I can't actually remember a lot about the performances, other than that we were mildly pleased with the Spanish entry (I can remember them, they were on at the beginning, before my liver was overwhelmed with alcohol). I regret to say that the middle section of the contest is a blur, and all I remember about that is trying to steal this man's oversized, pink novelty glasses. My memory is a black hole at this point, but swims back into focus when the Ukraine took to the stage and at this point I remember doing a lot of dancing, a lot of cheering and almost ending up in a punch up with a couple of po-faced party-goers who looked like they'd been sucking on lemons. Of course, the highlight of the night was seeing Eb-on-knee. My sister and I are long-time devotees of Britain's greatest drag queen, so we took her a sparkly wand (albeit a cheap one from Claire's accessories) and presented her with it for the evening. Eb-on-knee whipped off her top to reveal a Union Jack corset when Scooch came on stage to sing for the UK. As I said, it's all a blur for me now. As the evening wound up and it became clear that we were going to have to listen to dreary old Serbian entry Molitva being performed as the winner, the silver lining on the cloud was that Eb-on-knee invited us to quaff champagne with her on the floor. The floor which I now remember was carpeted and pretty disgusting. Can't believe I sat on it in my favourite jeans. And as we sat quaffing champagne, the thought popped into my head to ask Eb-on-knee to record a personalised message to one of my mates on my phone, as she couldn't attend Eurovision. And here you can see the result. Look, you can even see her waving the gift we gave her. God bless her!

Air hostess, I like the way you dress

According to unconfirmed rumours on the internet, Scooch have successfully got themselves a new record deal, which will allow the release of Flying the Flag in shops on 30th April 2007. Does anybody out there still by CD singles then? The song has been available on iTunes for some time.

Of course, they won't be the first group to have pressed an airline-related tune onto vinyl. If Danish televoters had chosen more wisely, Scooch might have been up against another airport-themed tune, courtesy of Annette Heick's Copenhagen Airport. And who could forget Busted's Air Hostess? But what would you get if you crossed Scooch's camp trolley dolleying with Busted's punky pop? As you can see below, the result is quite wonderful.

And if you haven't already seen Annette Heick's airport schlager melody, check it out here.

Scooch wallpaper - you lucky people!

I've been too busy to post on the blog for a couple of days, as I've been filling in application forms for a new job recently. But I'm back now and here's a treat... I've made an all-new Scooch wallpaper, as the last one resulted in a huge level of web traffic to my blog and helped me to reach my 222nd visitor in just 2 weeks! The original images of Scooch used to make the wallpaper are ones which I found on schlagerblog so if you like them, try checking out the schlagerboys website.

I doubt that I'll be posting anything tomorrow, as I plan to be recovering from a hangover induced by a night's cheesy clubbing in Croydon tonight. If you are in Croydon, look out for me. I'll be the one gorging myself on greasy junk food in the street as I always get a taste for it when drunk.

To get the wallpaper, just left-click on the image here, then when it loads, right-click and set as desktop background.

If you are a Scooch fan (and if you're not, the exit from my fabulous site is located in the top right corner) then you might want to check out their new website, scoochonline.

Get your Scooch wallpaper here!

By way of a treat for my readers, I'm offering an exclusive Scooch Flying the flag desktop wallpaper here. If you like the look of it and want it on your desktop, then LEFT CLICK on the picture left and when the image loads, right click on it, set as background. For you IT geeks, the resolution is 1280 x 1024 but if your settings are stretch to fit then it'll look fabulous on all desktops.

A comment to say thank you might be nice!

Tittle-tattle lost the battle

A third controversy gripped MYMU winners Scooch today, and I couldn't help but feel partially responsible. I was intrigued to read on the front page of a fellow London commuter's Daily Mirror (I rarely buy my own when, due to the crowded nature of the capital's trains, you can hardly avoid having the tabloid rags pushed into your face) the headline "The Eurovision Song CON-test" trumpeting another supposed scandal surrounding the act selected to represent the UK in Helsinki.

On closer inspection, the thrust of the story was that Scooch were using two 'off-stage' backing singers to sing part of their winning entry to MYMU, 'Flying the Flag For You'. According to the Mirror, Justin Hawkins stomped off in a rage and all the other acts were b*tching about Scooch "cheating" to win. It was at this point that I remembered my blog entry from yesterday, speculating about the likelihood of Richard Madeley and Judy Finnegan appearing as backing vocalists for Scooch. Had I inadvertently stirred up some kind of scandal?

Of course not, Richard and Judy have better things to do on a Saturday night than to sing backing vocals on someone else's show. And this tabloid tale smacks of a cheap attempt to stir up a scandal in my opinion, so it hardly warrants blog space. The rules allow two off-stage backing singers, and it was quite clear that Scooch were singing live. I urge all fans to ignore suggestions otherwise. One wonders how exactly Scooch might otherwise have gone about singing three-part female harmonies with only two females on stage?

The fallout begins...

It's been another day of wacky developments in the wake of the Scooch MYMU victory. Firstly, public clamouring has forced Eurovision god Sir Terry of Wogan into apologising for any embarrassment caused due to his gaffe (announcing the wrong winner on MYMU). The man made an error at work, we've all done it* and in any case, I consider any and all criticism of Sir Terry to be no less than blasphemous.

Meanwhile, Scooch made an appearance on Richard & Judy, Britain's favourite tea-time chatshow to discuss the gaffe. More interestingly, Russ (blonde Scooch, the one who looks like he's put on a bit of weight since Scooch's heyday) declared that they were 'looking at ways of making the performance even more camp'. It's hard to imagine how this could be achieved, short of dragging up and carrying pink handbags.

While watching this rather surreal interview on Richard & Judy, I had a sudden fantasy about what Richard & Judy might look like if they were game enough to sing backing vocals for Scooch in Helsinki, and this is what I came up with - frightening, isn't it readers? Surely our European brethren do not deserve to have this inflicted on them? Better to keep Richard & Judy tucked away somewhere like a Trident nuclear submarine - i.e. as a deterrent. "Vote for us or we'll unleash this on you next year..."

*thankfully most of us don't have 10million viewers watching when we make a botch up while on the job.

We can only blame ourselves...

The true brilliance of democracy is that when it all goes wrong, we've only got ourselves to blame. You get what you vote for in this old life, and here in all its fabulous glory is the entry which the discerning UK public selected to send to Helsinki.

A proportion of disgruntled viewers are complaining en masse to Eurovision forums about the result. To this, I say "pull yourselves together!" Scooch won fair and square, that's all there is to it, and at last gay men across the nation have an excuse to dress up in airline uniform in the name of light entertainment.

They're flying the flag (for you)

Well, who'd have thought it? Certainly not Sir Terry of Wogan, who himself seemed in denial of the result and made a rare error, pronouncing the wrong act victorious. Moments later, he backtracked and, after one of the closest contests in a long time, MYMU was won by a group of trolley dollies with more baggage than Heathrow Airport. When it came to voting, the discerning British viewers felt turquoise tuxedos were just the ticket for Helsinki.

I think we all know where this is heading. I forecast severe turbulence in the run up to the voting on May 12th, so best buckle up and adopt a bracing position. This craft is destined to make an emergency landing at the foot of the scoreboard. Regardless of which, I shall be cheering it on. Because with the sleazy lyrics and emergency procedures dance routine, the UK will be having the last laugh this year.

Feel free to copy and paste the Scooch image for your websites & blogs... they are, and I quote, "flying the flag for you".