Europop-ski

In the search for good europop, if such a thing exists, I have gone east to Russia to discover the throwaway delights of Zhanna Friske. She rose to fame as a member of Russian pop group Blestyashchie. Upon watching their videos, I realised that Girls Aloud still have quite some considerable depths yet to plumb in terms of sleaze. Blestyashchie are Russia's longest running and most famous girl group, as well as their least-dressed. Their longevity has been the result of the policy that whenever one member leaves (as several of them have), they simply conscript someone new who doesn't mind writhing around wearing very little. Still, the music is trash and you can't argue with that. Just look at the evidence.

Blestyashchie - Agent 007: You can tell the Cold War's over when you see a Russian girl group performing their sleazy ode to James Bond. If you thought Scooch's airsteward uniforms looked camp, try these for size. This video reveals the Blestyashchie girls' secret of slimness, as they bang away on exercise bikes. I'm still at a loss to account for the relevance to James Bond.

Blestyashchie - За четыре моря: Speaking no Russian myself, I've had to make a rather impromptu translation of this song. It appears to be a latino-flavoured song about the lot of Russian housewives. They're glamorous, but they're hard-working. Look at them, vacuuming away, ironing their smalls, looking after the dog. Household chores rarely looked this glamorous.


Blestyashchie - Восточные сказки: You might have heard this one before. The Blestyashchie girls rope in Arash for a Russian take on one of his album hits. It sounds like they're singing about facial hair... Moustache-ni, Moustache-ni...

Having taken pop to its sleaziest level as part of the group, Zhanna Friske then left the group behind to make a number of cheesy Europop records. La La La found her in fabulous form, trilling her way through a singalongable ditty. It's europop-by-numbers and all the better for it.


There's a summery feel to Zhanna's hit, Gde to leto. I've never seen someone accessorise so well with the colour of a swimming pool. She's practically camouflaged in her range of turquoise swimwear. I'm not sure about the bit with the flaming torches though. That silky dress of hers looks flammable and it could all so easily have ended in tears.

You can download Zhanna's songs here. Click the links below. Click Mp3 (next to the speaker icon). A new window appears, then click Скачать. A new window will appear. If your download doesn't begin automatically, click ссылку to start it.

La La La
Gde to leto

Best Before 1997: Pure German cheese

I'm in a holiday mood today. Not just because of the early summer weather in UK, but also because I booked my summer holiday yesterday - three weeks beside the seaside, so I felt it was high time for some 100% cheese on the blog and what could be cheesier or more summery than a trip back ten years to visit Germany's greatest Europop/dance export (okay, that's not saying much), Mr. President.

Check out the video for JoJo Action. For me, this song features the world's all-time worst ever lyrics. Ah, they could only have been written by a German, not least because rhyming 'Candy apple tree' with 'JoJo honeybee' is actually an offence in some countries (well, it ought to be). At least the video redeems itself with a gorgeous shot of a discoball at 02'29.

Of course, it's hard to realise from watching their later stuff that Mr. President's earlier material was much harder. Take a look at the video from Forever and one day. It includes all the key ingredients of a summer Europop smash. Look at the sun drenched camera shots, and listen to the obligatory 'Oh-way-oh-way' lyric, pioneered by the Vengaboys themselves. Where could this beach be? Spain? Greece? Perhaps, but we're not too far from Germany, because methinks I can hear the sound of a jaunty alpine accordion in the background. The only downside is the irritating twang in the blonde one's voice... I challenge anybody to listen to the first thirty seconds without cringing at it.

Something saucy from Sweden

Do you ever remember unwrapping an excitingly-shaped gift only to find out it is, in fact, something mundane and ordinary? Like that elaborately wrapped Christmas present which turns out to be a tie-hanger? Today's dose of cheesy pop is a similar disappointment. The packaging looks promising but the contents are a bit of a let-down.

Welcome to the world of Danny Saucedo (I'm assuming that's Saucedo as in torpedo). He reached the final ten in the Swedish version of Pop Idol last year and since then he's released his debut single, an upbeat europop number called Tokyo. Hmm... wonder which of the world's big record markets he's targeting?

The song itself pulls all the usual europop strings and even has a key change at the end, so for that we ought to be grateful. There are many similarities between Danny and Adam Rickitt - the throwaway cheesy melody, the blonde hair, the penchant for wearing vests... Danny's lyrics, on the other hand, make Adam Rickitt's solo "work" look like Shakespeare. But you can at least numb the pain of this lyrical inanity by watching the video, which features blonde Danny jiving around and punching the air in his white vest. Hang on, I've seen a lot of that behaviour in G-A-Y club... A word of warning, just remember to close your eyes at 01'32 when he puts on a purple and yellow tracksuit top and starts doing some serious hand jiving.

Given the lack of depth in the lyrics, there's plenty of scope for reading the meaning behind the video. I would suggest the following storyline behind the video:

1. Danny checks into a hotel room after another day recording in the studio

2. Danny logs on to check his email and then decides he feels like a bit of web-cam fun and hooks up with some sl*t in Tokyo. He starts typing and smiling a lot while he is on his bed.

3. Danny falls asleep and begins to toss... and turn... he's dreaming of being in Tokyo with his web-cam sl*t. He's taking her on a date to a really hot bar which looks like a great night out (not). He impresses her with an array of flexible hand dancing.

4. Danny wakes up in his bed the morning after. I hope he's not going to leave those sheets for the maid to clean up.

You can check his website out here