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Few popstars fit the mould of being both trashy and fabulous. But Geri Halliwell is clearly one of them. More so than ever now that she's a washed-up former popstar and single mother. If anyone is in a position to comment on Geri's spectacular fall from grace, it's me. After all, I was one of the very select few who actually bought the Passion CD. And actually, it's not bad. There are a few tracks which are perpetually skipped on my iPod but there are quite a few catchy ones.

Above: Few of us realised the failure of Passion would jeopardise Geri's ability to buy a decent pair of jeans

As it happens, one of the better tracks was never included on the UK release of the album. 100% Pure Love is a fabulous, funky little song. Here are four remixes of it, the best of which is probably the US version.

Can't dance, shouldn't be allowed to dance

Having looked a little closer at D'Nash's D'readful video, I am shocked to uncover the fact that it conceals carefully one of Eurovision's worst ever pieces of dancing. He might look like hot tapas but he dances like a wet fish. Should you wish to emulate this unrivalled piece of choreography, simply follow this simple guide:

Step 1: Push arms forward and pull them back like you're ski-ing in the alps

Step 2: Swing left, bring your elbows up to the sides and push outwards, like you're barging someone aside to get served first at the bar

Step 3: Continue swinging left, bring arms down in front of you, and make like you're about to undo your fly

Step 4: Bend over slightly (careful which clubs you do this in), bring arms up like wings and waggle backside like a drunken duck

Step 5: Now you've mastered it, head to G-A-Y bar in Old Compton Street where everyone knows this dance (except for the lesbians). And here it is in all it's animated glory:

And finally, 12 points goes to... golden balls!

The worrying trend of lookalikes taking part at Eurovision continues unabated with the discovery that D'Nash of Spain appear to have recruited David Beckham to play for their side in Helsinki. Let's hope he does better for Spain than he did for Real Madrid.

Nash wallpaper on demand

I've had a request to make some D'Nash wallpaper. If you haven't heard of them already, D'Nash are the latest act selected by Spain to woefully underperform at Eurovision this year. I think we can safely say it won't be Madrid 2008 on the evidence provided in their video below. Take a look and you'll see what I mean.


Like all boybands, they have obviously been made on the production line using a strict selection process to ensure their appeal to as wide an audience as possible. With D'Nash, you get the complete set... a sharp blonde one, the stubbly hard-nut variety, the soppy one that looks like Jimmy Osmond and... hang on, how did they get that ugly one with too much ungroomed hair and dirty beard growth through quality control? (Don't worry, if you use the wallpaper, he's right at the back and if you squint while using your PC, he won't spoil the visual eye-candy experience).


It appears likely that poor D'Nash squandered most of their budget achieving that authentic chess-board black and white style video. There appears to have been little left in the kitty to afford either a decent song or a choreographer to teach them some dance moves. Instead, we've blown the entire budget on special effects which make the various members of D'Nash float slowly across the screen.

Anyway, help yourself to the wallpaper by left clicking, wait til it downloads, then right-click, set as desktop background.